


The Adventure Zone Oneshots

by sindumpling



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Flirting, Kissing, Love/Hate, M/M, Popular Pairing, Robbie Just Wants His Kid Cuisine, Roommate Interuption, Taako is a Gay Dude, Trapped In A Closet, Unpopular pairing, Whipped Cream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 16:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14024094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sindumpling/pseuds/sindumpling
Summary: This is a collection of oneshots dedicated to "The Adventure Zone," a popular Dungeons and Dragons podcast ran by your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. This collection includes angst, fluff, and a bit of smut (which is not yet published will be marked as rated 18+ when the time comes).Magnus likes hate sex. Taako gets roofied. Merle wants to f*ck the void.





	1. Klarg/Tako - Charmed to Make Your Acquaintance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klarg falls in love with the concept of Taako. Taako gets unintentionally roofied.

Klarg knew he had a few violent tendencies-- well, a lot of them, actually. He was a bugbear, so of course it was to be expected. Even the inhibitor created specifically to lessen his negative emotions and destructive impulses ended up failing him. It was as if he was destined to be the raging monster that his race had been stereotyped as for so long.

Or so he thought.

When a particularly rowdy trio made their way into his homestead, he figured their intentions weren't pure in nature. One of them even went so far as to throw his precious dog and best friend, Percival, into a fire. This alone was enough for Klarg to be more than willing to end their pathetic lives.

But then he met the eyes of the elf among the intruders. Just catching his gaze had an effect on Klarg that he could scarcely recognize, and the bugbear's anger washed away as quickly as it had appeared.

He felt warmer whenever the elf spoke. He'd go as far as to say he felt safer, even as it was being explained to him that a subordinate had been plotting to assassinate him and had decided to hire the elf and his two friends to carry out the plan.

When the elf introduced himself as "Taako," a feeling of infatuation filled Klarg to his brink. It was then that the bugbear finally interpreted the emotion that he was suffering from as love.

Ever since that day, Klarg had found himself having mixed feelings towards Taako that tended to change wildly and without warning. One moment he'd want to wrap his arms around Taako's thin frame; the next he'd want to wrap his hands around Taako's thin neck.

Now, as he caught sight of Taako wandering the streets of Neverwinter and enjoying the scents of the nearby bakeries, Klarg wanted to whisk the elf off of his feet and run away with him. The unabashed rage Klarg had begun to feel during the long stretch of time where he hadn't be able to catch a single glimpse of Taako was forgotten in the rush of tranquility that washed over the now lightheaded bugbear.

"Taako, my friend!" Klarg boomed, arms outstretched as he bounded over to the elf.

Taako swung around, startled by the familiar voice and the unexpectedness of hearing it in Neverwinter of all places. The wizard had spoken with gods and the actual grim reaper with little to no problems in the past, but only Klarg could ever manage to evoke an anxious response out of him. "Klarg? I see you're in one of your better moods," he uptalked, mentally revisiting the times when Klarg had been less than happy to see him.

"I admit that sometimes I can get a bit out of hand." Klarg grinned down at Taako, drinking in the sight of him. "I'd never actually hurt you, though." He kept his arms open, gesturing for Taako to grace him with an embrace.

Taako relaxed his shoulders and went with a simple high-five instead, much to Klarg's disappointment, glancing around hurriedly as he wondered how long it would be until the bugbear's capricious personality would show itself. "Listen, my guy, I'm glad to see that you're disinterested in pummeling me into the ground right now, but I gotta admit that you can be a bit hot-and-cold."

"Yes," Klarg conceded sheepishly, "I do have a habit of letting my emotions get the best of me. Right now, though, I have an insatiable urge to take you out for tea. I've been adding a few potions to my tea to lessen my more abrasive traits, so there's no need to feel hesitant."

Taako, slightly grateful that Klarg's urge wasn't to murder him on sight, but rueful that Klarg wore his romantic affections on his sleeve, nodded. "I would absolutely love for you to take me out for tea, but I don't think my boyfriend would like that." Taako was lying through his teeth, but he figured it may be enough to turn Klarg away.

Klarg, despite feeling a pang of hurt, simply laughed. He shouldn't be surprised that somebody as downright charming and gorgeous as Taako would be taken. "There's nothing wrong with two friends going out for tea, now is there? You always read too far into things!"

Taako pressed his lips into a thin line, not wanting to awaken Klarg's aggressive side through means of rejection. "Well, a free meal is a free meal. I'll follow your lead, buggaboo," he drawled.

A childlike glee filled Klarg and he grabbed Taako by the arm, his hand being more than large enough to wrap around the wizard's thin bicep. As he led Taako through the streets towards his favorite cafe, the bugbear began to ramble about the mundane features of his life, overjoyed that Taako was willing to lend him an ear. People rushed to get out of Klarg's way as he paraded down the road, his size being more than enough to intimidate them even as he was talking about how important fitting teatime into his schedule was.

Taako raised a curious eyebrow once they entered the warmth of the shop, but said nothing as Klarg sauntered up to the store's counter. Klarg, for the sake of nostalgia, ordered two cups of oolong tea-- one small and the other large --and passed the barista a small vile of red liquid, asking that that she pour it into the bigger of the two.

When Klarg returned, Taako took the initiative to seat the bugbear and himself at the table nearest to the exit. You could never be too careful around Klarg, after all. 

It only took a few moments of Klarg flattering Taako with empty compliments for the tea to be readied and placed in front of the two.

To spare himself the bother of contributing to the conversation, Taako took a long gulp of his tea. Immediately after swallowing, he made a face. Even without his refined sense of taste, he'd know there was something off. After getting a look from Klarg, he offered an explanation. "This tea is hella sweet. I think I'm getting diabetes just by holding it."

To test the accuracy of Taako's statement, Klarg took a sip of his own tea. Setting it down, he cocked his head. "It tastes fine to me." As he finished his sentence, it dawned on him that his tea should be sweet, not Taako's. "Oh god, they must've mixed up our orders! This is bad! I'm so sorry, I didn't-"

"Hey now, there's no need to get worked up," Taako interupted, feeling as though Klarg's emotions were starting to tilt to the negative side of things. "It's not your fault."

"No! Your tea has my potion in it! It's a potion of charming, Taako! To further the calming affects of the spell you cast on me when we first met!"

Taako leaned back in his seat, unbothered. "Klarg? Do you know who I am?"

Klarg furrowed his brow, perplexed by Taako's sudden question and how out of place it was regarding the current situation. "Of course, I do. You're Taako."

The elf held up a finger to silence Klarg. "Taako from T.V., to be exact. It'll take more than some love juice to win over my affections, pal. I'm not an easy f*ck, if you know what I mean."

Klarg recomposed himself, not sure that Taako was quite grasping what was going on. "Taako, the potency of that potion was custom-made for me. I'm a bugbear, ergo the potion is especially strong. You're what? One-hundred-fifty pounds? I'm three-hundred-sixty and I made sure that the potion would be strong even to me."

Taako was beginning to see what Klarg meant. As the bugbear explained the gravity of the situation, Taako was beginning to find his gruff, burly voice to be more and more alluring. "Is that right?" Taako fanned himself with his hand, his pride wanting to hide the blush that was rising to his usually pale cheeks. "I'm surprised it takes so much for you to feel such attraction towards me. Usually, those around me fall head-over-heels the moment I walk in the room."

The sight of Taako being affected by Klarg's presence stirred a sense of pride and bliss within the bugbear, even if the wizard's reaction was prompted by magical means. "Well," Klarg started, "I don't think I necessarily need it to feel so strongly towards you, but I do find myself wanting to further add to the emotion."

Taako fidgeted in his seat, suddenly more nervous in regards to Klarg's impression of him than Klarg suddenly slipping into an angry fit. "Yeah, I get that a lot," he managed to say. "I'm.. you know..."

"Taako from T.V.?" Boy, Klarg was loving this situation more than he should.

Taako took a deep breath and nodded. "Exactly. I was thinking..." Taako trailed off, bewildered as to how his usual quick-witted responses had been reduced to fragments of what he was trying to describe. 

Klarg nodded, willing Taako to continue.

Taako knew what he wanted, and he knew he could get it if he wanted to. The only problem was that his nerves were out of whack and he couldn't express his whims with the eloquence he was normally able to attain. He was almost convinced that it wasn't a love potion that he'd consumed, and that it was actually just cheap drugs. "I know I sort of brushed off your offer earlier-- the one about the hug --but if you're still up for it, I'd be willing to reconsider."

Klarg was out of his seat the moment Taako finished his sentence, arms open and eager. Taako stumbled into his feet, feeling like he was still a young Taquito with barely any knowledge of seduction, and pressed himself against Klarg's vast chest. Klarg's arms encircled Taako's smaller frame with no trouble at all, and a contented sigh escaped him.

Klarg had waited so long for this moment.

Taako, fully intending to get a kiss out of the bugbear holding him, tilted his chin up determinedly, only for Klarg's arms to stiffen around him. Klarg looked down, his posture rigid, and released Taako.

It didn't take Taako long to realize what was happening.

"As much as I'd like for this to continue," he muttered, his voice strained, "I didn't quite get the use out of my potion that I needed to. I think I'm about to slip into one of my moods, dear."

"Nope," Taako called out, backing away from the bugbear and inching towards the door, "this is oddly turning me on, but I don't think I'm willing to die just to get some from a bugbear." He wasn't sure if his nervousness or his disappointment was stronger at the moment.

But Klarg, shaking with anger, was no longer listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it isn't a very popular ship, but I've always wanted to try writing a oneshot for Klarg x Taako, so here it is. Also, feel free to request a oneshot about a ship that's actually good.


	2. Magnus/Lucas - I Hate You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus holds a grudge. Lucas attempts to make amends.

"Can't we be civil?" Lucas stammered, his shaking hands held up in surrender.

Magnus, towering over a foot above Lucas, glowered. "The time for being civil has passed, don't you think? I mean, I'm nothing if not hospitable, but we made a deal: if I ever saw you again, I would kill you."

Lucas took a step backwards, his back pressing into the wall as he cowered at the sight of Magnus's rigid figure. It didn't matter how notoriously warm and kindhearted Magnus was; when he was angry, he was absolutely terrifying. Lucas had came to make amends, but it didn't seem that Magnus was interested in the least bit. "I just want a chance to explain myself! I'm not completely irredeemable, am I?"

Magnus laughed humorlessly. "You think you're redeemable? That any sort of explanation can make up for the danger you provoked? You put five of the most important people in my life into a situation that they could've died in! Hell, you risked destroying the entire planet! I vored a rock because of you, a**hole."

Lucas decided not to point out that Magnus's choice to "vore a rock" was just that: a choice. Lucas in no way prompted that action. "And I'm sorry! I really, truly am! I was scared. I had the chance to meet my dead mother again. I wasn't strong enough to resist it. Haven't you lost somebody that you'd do anything to bring back?"

Pausing, Magnus clenched his fists. "I lost the light of my life. I was given the opportunity to revive her. The difference between you an I is that I was able to recognize how it would affect the people important to me in the present!" His voice was rising with every sentence, his emotions getting stronger with every passing moment.

"Why can't you understand?! I don't have anybody important to me in the present! There was nobody else to consider but myself!" Lucas straightened up, grimacing as he fought back tears. "My mother was all I had. You may have people to protect and care for, but I don't. I haven't had anybody since the day she died."

Magnus felt himself loosen up at hearing Lucas's voice break during his confession. He knew the feeling of grief all too well, and his sense of sympathy was beginning to nag at him. "And you were willing to put other people through the same pain you faced when she passed?" Magnus didn't know what he would've done if a member of his party had died in Lucas's lab that day.

Lucas slumped back against the wall. "I didn't set out to hurt anybody. I thought I could control the power of my invention. I thought I could resist the thrall of the philosopher's stone."

"Let me get this straight," Magnus huffed incredulously. "You thought you'd be able to resist the thrall of a grand relic?!"

"You, Taako, and Merle managed. I thought I'd at least be able to do it for her-- for my mom. I just wasn't strong enough."

Magnus turned away. "You're unbelievable."

Lucas took a hesitant step towards Magnus. "Listen, I understand if you can't forgive me. I know what I did to you and your friends wasn't right. I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't at least try to make things up to you." He allowed himself a slow intake of breath. "Honestly, even though you clearly hate me, you're closer to me than anybody else alive is. You're one of the only people to pay me any attention at all, negative or not. That has to count for something."

Magnus stayed quiet. Looking over his shoulder at Lucas before turning back around to face him, he heaved a sigh. Forgiveness and pity tended to come much too easily to Magnus. "You're one of the only people that I can't stand, you know that?"

Lucas nodded, considering Magnus's switch from rage to disappointment to be an improvement. "You may have mentioned it a few times in the past, yes."

"Regardless, I'm willing to forgive you. I'll forgive you, but I'll still hate you." He extended his hand for Lucas.

Lucas offered a bitter, crooked smile as he took Magnus's much larger hand in his own and shook it in agreement. "Seems fair enough."

They gazed at each other for a moment, hand in hand, and Magnus caved. "Okay, I don't hate you. You have skewed morals and I strongly dislike you, but I suppose I don't hate you."

This was news to Lucas. "You sounded like you were going to kill me earlier, though!"

"I was. I might still change my mind. Fortunately for you, I'm feeling merciful right now."

As Magnus moved to withdraw his hand, Lucas pulled himself into Magnus's chest, doing his best to wrap his arms around him. "God, I'm such a terrible person. I'm so, so sorry, Magnus. You mean more to me than you know."

Magnus, who hadn't been held so affectionately in years, stiffened at Lucas's action before patting him on the back awkwardly. "Hey, uh, don't push your luck, okay? I still very strongly dislike you," he muttered flusteredly. As much as he hated to admit it, he wasn't exactly uncomfortable with the idea of physical contact with Lucas.

Before Lucas could respond, the door to the room flew open, revealing none other than Taako, from T.V.. As his eyes found Magnus's, the wizard exploded into laughter. "Maggie, I gotta admit: that's hella gay. Like, super duper gay," he cackled at the sight of Magnus and Lukas's embrace. "It's wild how gay that is."

Magnus rushed to shove Lucas off of him, embarrassed by Taako's timing. "Taako, you're gay. You've described yourself as 'a gay dude' on multiple occasions," he shot back.

"Hey, no need to get so defensive, my friend," Taako sniped with a suggestive wink. "I didn't mean to interrupt before you got to 'rush in,' if you know what I mean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hate/love gives me life and if I wasn't in public as I wrote this, the chapter would've been hella smutty.


End file.
